just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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