I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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