I'm drive I can fine osifer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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