The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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