I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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