friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
