Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
