new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
