you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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