I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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