That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
