When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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