we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
