Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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