Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
