marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
