everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
