I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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