in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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