i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
