shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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