Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
