dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
id be glad to
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
