His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
