i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
