they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
