Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
