Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
