The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
