I must be too annoying 4 u.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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