Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
