somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
