I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
