Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
