I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
