Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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