It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
