I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
