i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
