This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
