wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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