Is it because I queefed?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
