If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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