could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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