Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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