Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
