Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
