tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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