I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had to cum in my sink.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
