I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I want her autograph on my taint
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have post one night stand depression
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
