ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
