Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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